I came upon this as I started to think about a new post. I wrote it on the 21st of March. Today is the 3rd of May and I am reflecting heavily upon my career, what it is to be an educator, who I am and how I will proceed into the future. It is serendipitous. Have a read and I will pick up at the end of what I wrote back in March.

So this is burn out....

I was out to dinner with friends last Saturday. Some of our closest friends - the ones who care about you deeply.

I thought it might be an idea to let them know that I was trying to implement a shorter work week. There will be more shared later as to some of the thinking around that, but I thought I would share some about where I am at the moment, how I am planning to get where I want to be, and how it seems so strange to be doing this.

I have been teaching within the public education system in Canada and the U. S. for over thirty-one years. When I was in high school, I knew that this was what my life should be about.

Now, to show how naive I was back then, I thought I was going to change the world by teaching children how to speak French. This is me the naive one as I graduated from High School. I barely look pubescent!

I went off to university, studied French and secondary education and found myself, after a year of teaching in the states, out here in the Canadian West, teaching for a couple of years before returning to my "home" to continue my career.

Unfortunately, I found that teaching was far more exciting in the Canadian West than in New England. As well, I found that it might well be possible to change the world out here where thoughts remained young and malleable rather than the heart of reactionary thought in North America at that time (a long time ago...in the 60's and 70's). An added benefit was that I could teach ANYTHING here as opposed to being certified only to teach French and Drama to secondary students (grades 7 - 12) in New England. I spread my wings and explored the teaching of Family Life and Sex Education. I took a master's degree in counseling psychology and psycho-educational programming so that I could be a part of a whole new realm of teaching and learning. (Yeah, that's me the MEd. Grad to the left)

I found that teaching is a mission - not a job. The career is more like a vocation or avocation - not dissimilar to that of a priest, than a professional pursuit that enhances life. I sped along going full speed and giving everything I could and some. It seemed right and reasonable that I should work 120%. Kids need that, and we teachers need to be able to give it to them.

The problem is that when you give more than you have, there are negative side effects. You get sick, tired, lose a sense of reality, think that the world revolves around children and their school-aged lives.

Here we are, back in May.

So now, I am off on full-time sick leave. The benefits insurer has decided that I am either well enough to be at work full-time or I am home full-time. So, because I do not want to get sicker, I am home.

Because I really think I want to get back to work, I am exploring all the possible aspects of why I am ill including my emotional well-being. Had a session with my psychologist today. It related so closely to what I see my daughter going through in her training the be a flight attendant.

She is really down on herself right now because she burst into tears during her training to put out fires (literally) on a plane. The tremendous weight of responsibility was there - at the forefront, and she started crying.

She cares...perhaps too much.

During my session with my psych, it came up: Perhaps I am sick because I care too much. No, let's go back. I AM sick because I care too much.

I am not saying that this is a bad thing. Those of you who think that one can not care too much are already shaking your heads. However, I am saying that caring too much is also a strength.

I am good at what I do because I care too much. I was not always available for my children when they wanted me to be there because I care too much. I don't work in moderation because I care too much. My health is not what it should be because I care too much.

So now I need to ponder some other questions:

• When do I start caring about myself?
• When do I let others care for me?
• When will I accept that I am already doing a great job?
• What am I trying to prove?
• When do I allow myself to rely on the expertise of others?
• When have I had enough?
• How do I create balance in my life between work and other things I love to do?

These are some of the reflections that are taking up my time. I am also looking at exercise, what I eat, how I spend my day, and how I let my thoughts influence my well-being.

This caring too much has my attention at the moment.

I wonder.

ComingUpToRetirement?

The only thing that is true about change today is that it will happen, whether we embrace it or fight it is our choice. However, change will happen!

I was peacefully enjoying a day at home to help support a return of health when I received a phone call from a colleague and the person in charge of "accommodation" for the school board with which I work. He was calling to let me know that a school nearby had sustained some structural damage last spring and that they would close at the end of the next day. We would receive all the grade 5 & 6's from their school and we needed to be ready for their arrival by Monday morning at 8:00 AM.

So began the most amazing few days.

I had not realized how much my younger daughter worries about me and my health. You can read her blog at her blog. I love her dearly which is why I am so actively trying to protect my health right now. I want to be around when and if she marries and I was to be around to support both of them if they decide to have children.....I want to be the doting grandpa.

About this move... though it all sounds nightmarish, it was far worse being part of the school that had to move. Granted we had to find space for them. The hardest part of my week was telling the kindergarten teacher, who had the most wonderful double classroom and had pretty much spread all over the place, that she had to move every little piece of equipment up stairs to a single room much smaller that any other classroom space.

The best part of the entire process is/are/whatever the incredible people with whom I work. There were no complaints. Lots of extra work - made even more difficult by the students being there while we sorted through and got rid of 4.5 tonnes of "stuff." We had made tentative plans to do this clean up over the next four months to prepare for receiving about the same number of children next fall. So instead of 4 months, we had two days.

This morning (Monday), at 8:00, the kids from the other school arrived, entered the building and their classes started as if there had been no big fuss. At 9:00, our kids arrived and until they heard the faint sound of a bell ringing outside to tell the other school that recess was over, they really didn't realize that the other kids were there.

Just before our "Welcome Assembly", I was contacted by the local TV station to be interviewed to tell how the "ordeal" went. Truly, no matter how awful it might have been, I was not going to admit to anyone that there was a problem, or that we were not happy with them coming to our building.

They do everything an hour earlier than us, so we are never on the playground at the same time, in the gym at the same time, or really involved with anything together.

So, H. Thank you for your thoughts. Perhaps that's what kept me calm the whole time.

Thank you as well, to one of the most amazing groups of people I know - my staff. You are incredible!

Thank you to the most amazing group of labourers and movers assemble by Dewaine from shipping and receiving. They performed miracle after miracle both Thursday and Friday.

One of those stories that needs sharing.

I have worked with autistic kids in the past. I just received this from a friend with whom I have taught. Follow the link for a good story of perseverance and self-confidence. Autism

I only wish the coach could have tried some time when he wasn't so confident of winning.

The Wedding Reception

The response received was positive, so I am adding some photos from the reception. Please bear with me as these are taken from a video. Thank you again, Frank Lam, for taking your time from the weekend to do this for us. We hope that some of the process was enjoyable!

The reception was held at the Highwood Dining Room at SAIT. The manager and her crew were absolutley wonderful to us and provided an excellent experience for the entire wedding party.

I hope you enjoy the pics. I hope that I haven't trespassed on anyone by including their picture and first name. I tried to ensure that I was not identifying you too narrowly.

Appologies to those not pictured and those not named. I was being discreet.

By the way....I had an absolute blast and was surprised that I wold enjoy myself SO MUCH.

Thants all for Now!

The Bridesmaids took their duties seriously. They helped create a memorable wedding week for their friend. The Groom's brother - Devin - put the polish on the evening as Master of Ceremonies. 

Steven - one of the groomsmen. 

The groommen all seem to enjoy their duties. 

The Rev looks like he's having a good time! 

The Mother of the bride: Sara can do the room too! She looks fantastic in her "Disco-ball Jacket" and dress. 

The Aunt from Vermont: only a real Vermonter could make that rhyme. Pat & Tim came a long way. Their presence was cherished and appreciated! 

Heather & Lynn, before dinner.  

Kristen greets Lambert, while Jordan reconnects with Helen. 

The head table settles in. 

Taylor seems very comfortable with her aunt's new role. I guess they practiced lots when Kristen was still a "Faunt." 

No longer a "F-aunt!" Kristen & Taylor share a moment at dinner. Unkie doesn't look too miserable either! 

What could make a father more proud than having to look upon his two daughters looking their best! 

Meeting and greeting. Longtime friends - that looks like Helen with Kristen.  

The reason for our attendance! Kristen & Jordan - Wife & Husband 

The bride and groom prepare to eat. 

The bride and groom greet their guests. 

Kirsten, Deanna, and Lynn - bridesmaids - are getting ready for the meal. 

The seemed to be making lots of mistakes at Trivial Pursuit. I wonder why? 

To make the bride and groom kiss: answer a question from Trivial Pursuit correctly or get them to make a mistake! 

Hurricane Hollywood - he knows how to blow that horn! 

At the table, and Heather - the maid of honour - gets ready for the meal. 

The Maid of Honour knows how to work the room - Heahter, you look FABULOUS! 

The head table: that looks like a candle arrangement very similar to one chez Kevin. Hey, it looks GREAT! 

Flowers from the church seemed to find their way to the Highwood Dining Room - Thanks to Eddie and Rob!