Retirement - A New Adventure

Jingle Bells

2007-12-05T07:55:00.001-08:00

My choir is learning this song for performance next Monday....I am wondering if we'll ever get it nearly as tight!

Rick Mercer on Bullying In Schools

2007-12-04T14:27:00.001-08:00

Isn't this the truth?!

2007-11-15T12:08:00.000-08:00

Good news! We finally heard from the contractor that we can make arrangements to move into our new home!

This may not seem a big deal, but we were at a point where we didn't know whether we'd be in for Christmas. We can move in thew 14th of December! Everything may not be complete, but it will be close enough: water, counters, power, appliances, etc.!

Hurray!

2007-11-03T12:56:00.001-07:00

Wow, a lot can happen in a short time!

I was invited to a party with the staff from my last school yesterday. It was to celebrate the appointment of the assistant principal to another school. It was a move she was seeking and it will be another growth opportunity for her and I believe she will enjoy it.

The thing is, that I didn't know half the people there. I am still officially the principal there, but I didn't know half the staff. Amazing. It just reminds me how important it is that I retire from public education. Things change at such a rapid pace that change becomes difficult to manage intelligently and thoughtfully no matter how current one thinks they are. I was certainly impressed by the group. They were all pretty amazing teachers. It was just a little unsettling to see how easily everything continues without one being there.

It was also wonderful to get to see everyone that I DID know. There were a couple of people misisng that I would truly have loved to see, but I enjoyed seeing the others. I realize how much I miss working with them and seeing them every day. I think we had something very special as the group of us who were working there.

A couple of people who had transferred came as well and I was thrilled to see them and to hear their news too. Some have had children since we last saw each other, others have married and moved. What an experience. Now if I could just get over the feeling that I am not of any use anymore.

2007-10-30T11:15:00.000-07:00

Susan

Yesterday, after a short meeting that I had with the minister at the church where I work, I came downstairs and there was a woman waiting who was visibly upset. I asked her if I could help her and she asked if I was the minister. I told her that I was the child and youth coordinator and she told me through tears that her daughter was just taken into foster care. She then asked if I would go to the sanctuary and pray with her. I didn't think much about it and agreed to do so.

This is the first time anyone has ever asked me to pray WITH them. It was a new experience and I wondered internally what I would do. It just came naturally.

I didn't pray for some outside force to come and help this woman and her daughter. I prayed, instead, for the God inside us all to come and respond to the needs that were being expressed by the young woman as she sat beside me. I felt so incredibly connected to her as she gave cues about what she needed. I hoped that we would be able to connect with her daughter as she experienced her own pain in this time of tumult in their lives. This wasn't about giving over control or power, but it was about sharing and support. It was about invoking all that might be helpful and supportive.

Afterwards, I invited her to return if she ever wanted to do this again. What an honour to be able to share with someone. Thank you, Susan.

Loving God, I know you are inside me.
I invite you to be a part of everything I am and do.
I want to think with your mind.
I want to love with your heart.
Please show me the truth that I know is inside.

2007-10-29T11:14:00.000-07:00

So....

The dry-waller had difficulty with some of his workers when he was doing our walls. So he was a couple of days late. This pushed the cabinets back two days, but they told me they would have no problem finishing in two days. After three days, I asked them about the granite template people coming the next day. "No way we'll be done."

So when I call to let them know and reschedule for two days later, I can't book them for a week and a half. So now we'll be a week and a half late moving in. That's about 9 more drives in from Dead Man's Flats and nine more drives out from Calgary. The sinks can't go in until the granite is there. The plumber doesn't want to come and just connect the shower, washer & dryer, dishwasher and fridge and NOT do the sinks. We CAN'T stay there with no water. So we now have to pay another month's storage fee, have 18 more trips between Calgary and Dead Man's Flats, and I am grumpy.

However, if I want to be more like Bhudda, I need to let this go. I must not be attached to bottom lines and results, but enjoy the journey. I need to learn whatever it is that this is teaching me. Think it might be something about patience? Acceptance? Might I just need to see 9 more sunrises and 9 more sunsets over the rockies?

This will give Mocha and Latte 9 more days to be in a familiar place before their lives are, yet again, disrupted. OK. I have let it go and am doing my best to heal my karma and join the sutra.

2007-10-22T13:56:00.000-07:00

So I think this blog is going to be the one where I share thoughts about life, but not necessarily about my faith. My "Ditties" blog will be where I share some of the humour I come across or just the various strange, but funny, incidents that happen in life.

I am finding the transition out of my identity as "teacher or principal" to that of "lay minister" is going along without TOO many attacks of guilt or remorse. Perhaps this is because I am still finding my way with the lay ministry stuff. It is all so new. I do find that I am more aware of my language than I used to be. I was always careful in front of children, but now I find myself being careful around everyone.

I am also finding that I am less patient with myself. The other day, I was talking with someone and this person was approaching me with very little respect and seemed to want to tell me all about aspects of my work that I feel very competent about. In fact, some of it was stuff with which I think I have great expertise. I was getting irritated. I started reflecting on the several conversations I have had with this individual over the last few months and they all seemed to be lectures about subjects with which I feel very knowledgeable. As my irritation grew, I suddenly felt not very competent in the realm of acceptance. I can't go along and not like this person. I have to find something that I cherish. This is not going to be as easy as I have found it with children in the past.

Kids are easy to see from all sides. Sure, almost all of them have little quirks that can be focussed upon to make one dislike them. However, they also have so many charming aspects upon which one can focus that it is easy to love them. I'm going to have to develop the same skill with adults. I think this is where I am going to have to work hard.

So what do you think? Is it an expectation that I should love and accept everyone with who I come in contact?

2007-10-19T14:47:00.000-07:00

A friend sent me this story today. I thought it was worth sharing. What do you think?

Rain Washed
Author Unknown

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.

We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in, "Mom, let's run through the rain," she said.

"What?" Mom asked.

"Let's run through the rain!" She repeated.

"No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit," Mom replied.

This young child waited about another minute and repeated, "Mom, let's run through the rain."

"We'll get soaked if we do," Mom said.

"No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning," the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.

"This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?"

"Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'"

The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes.

Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If God let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing," Mom said.

Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories... So, don't forget to make time and take opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

I hope you still take the time to run through the rain.

2007-10-18T14:55:00.000-07:00

Ok, so now I have two of my blogs joined together. This is good news. So I will try to figure out how to connect this one with the one at work.

2006-03-21T21:38:00.000-08:00

I came upon this as I started to think about a new post. I wrote it on the 21st of March. Today is the 3rd of May and I am reflecting heavily upon my career, what it is to be an educator, who I am and how I will proceed into the future. It is serendipitous. Have a read and I will pick up at the end of what I wrote back in March.

So this is burn out....

I was out to dinner with friends last Saturday. Some of our closest friends - the ones who care about you deeply.

I thought it might be an idea to let them know that I was trying to implement a shorter work week. There will be more shared later as to some of the thinking around that, but I thought I would share some about where I am at the moment, how I am planning to get where I want to be, and how it seems so strange to be doing this.

I have been teaching within the public education system in Canada and the U. S. for over thirty-one years. When I was in high school, I knew that this was what my life should be about.

Now, to show how naive I was back then, I thought I was going to change the world by teaching children how to speak French. This is me the naive one as I graduated from High School. I barely look pubescent!

I went off to university, studied French and secondary education and found myself, after a year of teaching in the states, out here in the Canadian West, teaching for a couple of years before returning to my "home" to continue my career.

Unfortunately, I found that teaching was far more exciting in the Canadian West than in New England. As well, I found that it might well be possible to change the world out here where thoughts remained young and malleable rather than the heart of reactionary thought in North America at that time (a long time ago...in the 60's and 70's). An added benefit was that I could teach ANYTHING here as opposed to being certified only to teach French and Drama to secondary students (grades 7 - 12) in New England. I spread my wings and explored the teaching of Family Life and Sex Education. I took a master's degree in counseling psychology and psycho-educational programming so that I could be a part of a whole new realm of teaching and learning. (Yeah, that's me the MEd. Grad to the left)

I found that teaching is a mission - not a job. The career is more like a vocation or avocation - not dissimilar to that of a priest, than a professional pursuit that enhances life. I sped along going full speed and giving everything I could and some. It seemed right and reasonable that I should work 120%. Kids need that, and we teachers need to be able to give it to them.

The problem is that when you give more than you have, there are negative side effects. You get sick, tired, lose a sense of reality, think that the world revolves around children and their school-aged lives.

Here we are, back in May.

So now, I am off on full-time sick leave. The benefits insurer has decided that I am either well enough to be at work full-time or I am home full-time. So, because I do not want to get sicker, I am home.

Because I really think I want to get back to work, I am exploring all the possible aspects of why I am ill including my emotional well-being. Had a session with my psychologist today. It related so closely to what I see my daughter going through in her training the be a flight attendant.

She is really down on herself right now because she burst into tears during her training to put out fires (literally) on a plane. The tremendous weight of responsibility was there - at the forefront, and she started crying.

She cares...perhaps too much.

During my session with my psych, it came up: Perhaps I am sick because I care too much. No, let's go back. I AM sick because I care too much.

I am not saying that this is a bad thing. Those of you who think that one can not care too much are already shaking your heads. However, I am saying that caring too much is also a strength.

I am good at what I do because I care too much. I was not always available for my children when they wanted me to be there because I care too much. I don't work in moderation because I care too much. My health is not what it should be because I care too much.

So now I need to ponder some other questions:

When do I start caring about myself?
When do I let others care for me?
When will I accept that I am already doing a great job?
What am I trying to prove?
When do I allow myself to rely on the expertise of others?
When have I had enough?
How do I create balance in my life between work and other things I love to do?

These are some of the reflections that are taking up my time. I am also looking at exercise, what I eat, how I spend my day, and how I let my thoughts influence my well-being.

This caring too much has my attention at the moment.

I wonder.

2006-03-20T23:22:00.000-08:00

ComingUpToRetirement?

The only thing that is true about change today is that it will happen, whether we embrace it or fight it is our choice. However, change will happen!

I was peacefully enjoying a day at home to help support a return of health when I received a phone call from a colleague and the person in charge of "accommodation" for the school board with which I work. He was calling to let me know that a school nearby had sustained some structural damage last spring and that they would close at the end of the next day. We would receive all the grade 5 & 6's from their school and we needed to be ready for their arrival by Monday morning at 8:00 AM.

So began the most amazing few days.

I had not realized how much my younger daughter worries about me and my health. You can read her blog at her blog. I love her dearly which is why I am so actively trying to protect my health right now. I want to be around when and if she marries and I was to be around to support both of them if they decide to have children.....I want to be the doting grandpa.

About this move... though it all sounds nightmarish, it was far worse being part of the school that had to move. Granted we had to find space for them. The hardest part of my week was telling the kindergarten teacher, who had the most wonderful double classroom and had pretty much spread all over the place, that she had to move every little piece of equipment up stairs to a single room much smaller that any other classroom space.

The best part of the entire process is/are/whatever the incredible people with whom I work. There were no complaints. Lots of extra work - made even more difficult by the students being there while we sorted through and got rid of 4.5 tonnes of "stuff." We had made tentative plans to do this clean up over the next four months to prepare for receiving about the same number of children next fall. So instead of 4 months, we had two days.

This morning (Monday), at 8:00, the kids from the other school arrived, entered the building and their classes started as if there had been no big fuss. At 9:00, our kids arrived and until they heard the faint sound of a bell ringing outside to tell the other school that recess was over, they really didn't realize that the other kids were there.

Just before our "Welcome Assembly", I was contacted by the local TV station to be interviewed to tell how the "ordeal" went. Truly, no matter how awful it might have been, I was not going to admit to anyone that there was a problem, or that we were not happy with them coming to our building.

They do everything an hour earlier than us, so we are never on the playground at the same time, in the gym at the same time, or really involved with anything together.

So, H. Thank you for your thoughts. Perhaps that's what kept me calm the whole time.

Thank you as well, to one of the most amazing groups of people I know - my staff. You are incredible!

Thank you to the most amazing group of labourers and movers assemble by Dewaine from shipping and receiving. They performed miracle after miracle both Thursday and Friday.

2006-03-04T23:48:00.000-08:00

One of those stories that needs sharing.

I have worked with autistic kids in the past. I just received this from a friend with whom I have taught. Follow the link for a good story of perseverance and self-confidence. Autism

I only wish the coach could have tried some time when he wasn't so confident of winning.

2006-03-04T13:24:00.000-08:00

The Wedding Reception

The response received was positive, so I am adding some photos from the reception. Please bear with me as these are taken from a video. Thank you again, Frank Lam, for taking your time from the weekend to do this for us. We hope that some of the process was enjoyable!

The reception was held at the Highwood Dining Room at SAIT. The manager and her crew were absolutley wonderful to us and provided an excellent experience for the entire wedding party.

I hope you enjoy the pics. I hope that I haven't trespassed on anyone by including their picture and first name. I tried to ensure that I was not identifying you too narrowly.

Appologies to those not pictured and those not named. I was being discreet.

By the way....I had an absolute blast and was surprised that I wold enjoy myself SO MUCH.

Thants all for Now!

2006-03-04T13:14:00.000-08:00

The Bridesmaids took their duties seriously. They helped create a memorable wedding week for their friend. The Groom's brother - Devin - put the polish on the evening as Master of Ceremonies.

2006-03-04T13:13:00.001-08:00

Steven - one of the groomsmen.

2006-03-04T13:13:00.000-08:00

The groommen all seem to enjoy their duties.

2006-03-04T13:12:00.001-08:00

The Rev looks like he's having a good time!

2006-03-04T13:12:00.000-08:00

The Mother of the bride: Sara can do the room too! She looks fantastic in her "Disco-ball Jacket" and dress.

2006-03-04T13:10:00.000-08:00

The Aunt from Vermont: only a real Vermonter could make that rhyme. Pat & Tim came a long way. Their presence was cherished and appreciated!

2006-03-04T13:08:00.000-08:00

Heather & Lynn, before dinner.

2006-03-04T13:07:00.000-08:00

Kristen greets Lambert, while Jordan reconnects with Helen.

2006-03-04T13:06:00.001-08:00

The head table settles in.

2006-03-04T13:06:00.000-08:00

Taylor seems very comfortable with her aunt's new role. I guess they practiced lots when Kristen was still a "Faunt."

2006-03-04T13:05:00.000-08:00

No longer a "F-aunt!" Kristen & Taylor share a moment at dinner. Unkie doesn't look too miserable either!

2006-03-04T13:04:00.000-08:00

What could make a father more proud than having to look upon his two daughters looking their best!

2006-03-04T13:03:00.000-08:00

Meeting and greeting. Longtime friends - that looks like Helen with Kristen.

2006-03-04T13:02:00.001-08:00

The reason for our attendance! Kristen & Jordan - Wife & Husband

2006-03-04T13:02:00.000-08:00

The bride and groom prepare to eat.

2006-03-04T13:01:00.001-08:00

The bride and groom greet their guests.

2006-03-04T13:01:00.000-08:00

Kirsten, Deanna, and Lynn - bridesmaids - are getting ready for the meal.

2006-03-04T13:00:00.001-08:00

The seemed to be making lots of mistakes at Trivial Pursuit. I wonder why?

2006-03-04T13:00:00.000-08:00

To make the bride and groom kiss: answer a question from Trivial Pursuit correctly or get them to make a mistake!

2006-03-04T12:59:00.001-08:00

Hurricane Hollywood - he knows how to blow that horn!

2006-03-04T12:59:00.000-08:00

At the table, and Heather - the maid of honour - gets ready for the meal.

2006-03-04T12:58:00.001-08:00

The Maid of Honour knows how to work the room - Heahter, you look FABULOUS!

2006-03-04T12:58:00.000-08:00

The head table: that looks like a candle arrangement very similar to one chez Kevin. Hey, it looks GREAT!

2006-03-04T12:56:00.000-08:00

Flowers from the church seemed to find their way to the Highwood Dining Room - Thanks to Eddie and Rob!

2006-03-04T12:55:00.000-08:00

Deanna - is she not extrmely elegant?

2006-03-04T12:54:00.000-08:00

Dr. Papa gets to talk with the parents of a dear friend and former colleague: Bill & Marg.

2006-03-04T12:53:00.000-08:00

Cupcakes from Crave: The Calgary Herald (March 4, 2006) says that these are one of the 25 greatest culinary delights in Calgary!

2006-03-04T12:52:00.001-08:00

The Groomsmen at table. Too bad they look like they're having NO fun!

2006-03-04T12:52:00.000-08:00

Chris prepares for dinner - the tables looked marvelous!

2006-03-04T12:51:00.000-08:00

Fortunately, there was a use for these little glass cubes that seemed to the bride's father to be a great deal at 87 cents for 2 dozen!

2006-03-04T12:50:00.000-08:00

The Candy Table was decorated with candle towers made by the bride's father as well as thousands of little glass "ices cubes" that were a steel on Boxing Day.

2006-03-04T12:49:00.000-08:00

The Highwood Dining Room did an amazing job of ensuring that the decor produced the desired atmosphere.

2006-03-04T12:48:00.000-08:00

The bridesmaids' flowers add a lovely charm to the space behind the head table.

2006-03-04T12:47:00.000-08:00

Barbara & Andrew find interesting treats at the candy table.

2006-03-04T12:46:00.000-08:00

The Goddesses and their escorts visit the candy table.

2006-03-04T12:45:00.000-08:00

The Happy couple meet and greet their guests - This looks like Lambert!

2006-03-03T23:52:00.000-08:00

ComingUpToRetirement?

Wedding? What Wedding?

So after a week of hearing how there were all kinds of shots from the wedding being posted to various blogs, I have to say that I was disappointed to find very few.

Therefore, what follows are some frames I took from the video that was taken during the ceremony.

If there are some comments and people wish, I would happily post some of the same from the reception!

I'll look for a positive response.

2006-03-03T23:45:00.000-08:00

Chris & Kevin share a laugh with The Wedding Planner - Eddie

2006-03-03T23:44:00.001-08:00

The father & Mother of the Groom: Randy & Faye

2006-03-03T23:44:00.000-08:00

The Mother and Father of the Bride: Sara & Dan

2006-03-03T23:43:00.001-08:00

Kirsten, Taylor and Chris - a happy family!

2006-03-03T23:43:00.000-08:00

Dee Dee & Nathan

2006-03-03T23:42:00.001-08:00

I detect a little bounce and dance in tehir steps!

2006-03-03T23:42:00.000-08:00

Jordan & Kristen: husband and wife.

2006-03-03T23:41:00.001-08:00

So does Steven

2006-03-03T23:41:00.000-08:00

Heather seems to have more to write. What gives?

2006-03-03T23:40:00.002-08:00

Now the maid of honour

2006-03-03T23:40:00.001-08:00

Jordan commits as well!

2006-03-03T23:40:00.000-08:00

Kristen sits to register the whole agreement!

2006-03-03T23:39:00.000-08:00

Have you even seen a more beautiful bride?

2006-03-03T23:38:00.003-08:00

Kris blesses this union and asks God to do the same!

2006-03-03T23:38:00.002-08:00

And another

2006-03-03T23:38:00.001-08:00

Sealed with a kiss!

2006-03-03T23:38:00.000-08:00

A gift of a ring; a symbol of continuity.

2006-03-03T23:37:00.000-08:00

I will, I have, I do....whatever!

2006-03-03T23:36:00.001-08:00

The best man shares a joke with Steven. Wait isn't Steven the best man? Which Steven introduced them?

2006-03-03T23:36:00.000-08:00

They even look like they are seriously listening!

2006-03-03T23:35:00.001-08:00

The Bridesmaids, the Bride, and the Groom

2006-03-03T23:35:00.000-08:00

They prepare for their vows and their commitments

2006-03-03T23:34:00.000-08:00

Kris reads from the Bible as well as a significant poem.

2006-03-03T23:33:00.000-08:00

Those are beautiful dresses

2006-03-03T23:32:00.000-08:00

Kris gives us the first prayer

2006-03-03T23:31:00.000-08:00

Grant introduces the Unofficiant

2006-03-03T23:30:00.001-08:00

Isn't she elegant?

2006-03-03T23:30:00.000-08:00

Actually, I LIKE having a son-in-law - this one, anyway!

2006-03-03T23:29:00.000-08:00

Who is this man? What does he want with my daughter?

2006-03-03T23:28:00.001-08:00

Isn't she marvelous...

2006-03-03T23:28:00.000-08:00

Isn't she beautiful....

2006-03-03T23:27:00.001-08:00

I think they both look too happy

2006-03-03T23:27:00.000-08:00

Does this look like a frightened bride? A weeping father?

2006-03-03T23:26:00.001-08:00

Here they come!

2006-03-03T23:26:00.000-08:00

The Bride & Her Papa

2006-03-03T23:25:00.001-08:00

The Rev & Heath

2006-03-03T23:25:00.000-08:00

Steven & Lynn

2006-03-03T23:24:00.000-08:00

Christ, Taylor & Kirsten: Groomsman, Flowergirl, & Bridesmaid

2006-03-03T23:23:00.001-08:00

Almost there

2006-03-03T23:23:00.000-08:00

Chris & Grant: The Unofficiant and the Officiant

2006-03-03T23:22:00.001-08:00

Kevin, Chris, & Granny

2006-03-03T23:22:00.000-08:00

Sara & Kevin walk down the aisle

2006-03-03T23:21:00.000-08:00

The Groomsmen Get Ready

2006-03-03T23:20:00.000-08:00

Sara, Erma, & Howard

2006-02-15T12:44:00.000-08:00

Pouting with pride!

There has been so much that has gone along since my last post. In December, I experienced my first assault by a student. After 31 years, some would say I was lucky. I know now, after all kinds of reflection, that I could probably have avoided this crisis. For some reason, I did not. The learning has been deep and I wanted to share some of that.

Christmas was an experience that was to be shared as well. For the first time, we shared our Christmas dinner with homeless people as well as those with whom we normally share Christmas dinner. The experience was unique, full of learning about myself, and I planned on sharing that.

As my older daughter was home from Ottawa for Christmas, I had all kinds of experiences I wanted to share about the pride I feel for her and how she is growing into a fine example of humanity.

As I approached my 53rd birthday, I had some interesting emotions that related both to my work as an educator as well as my role as father.

So I have been avoiding the blog, because I wasn’t ready to share all the thoughts outlined here. They truly are simply outlined as they have taken lots of consideration and time. Now I find myself a week away from the wedding of my daughter, and I have all kinds of disorganized thoughts and emotions about that.

This is what has nudged me off my place of waiting. The wedding.

So what?

I think when my younger daughter was sharing her thoughts about her sister really leaving home that I realized that I have been mourning that loss for most of the fall. My first born and I have not always shared the same point of view, however, I have always known that I could rely on her to challenge my thinking, speak her mind, stretch my position to see where it might go, and to be there when I wanted.

What an incredibly selfish attitude! Parents are supposed to be the ones who are there when their children need them. I hope that I have been when the need was there, however, I am certain that I wasn’t always there whenever they wanted me to be.

I have always seen teaching in public education as a mission rather than a job. That attitude has led me to put some of the children and their crises ahead of my family’s desires. This is not new to my family members. I would always ask them for their support or permission before applying for a promotion or increase in responsibility. They knew that I would be at work longer hours.

This did not excuse me from the needs they had or the emergencies that occurred. I have, with both daughters, been scrutinized by emergency personnel at hospitals when I have taken them there because of broken bones. One that happened during the night and was left to the morning as there seemed to be no head injury. (The arm wasn’t mentioned until the morning.) The other when the break occurred at school and had to be met at the hospital so that x-rays etc. could be pursued. It always amazed me that anyone could consider that I would ever harm either of my children intentionally or through anger. However, that is part of being a father. There will always be suspicions.

The thing I realized about my attitude about my children, is that I always took for granted that they would be around. They both love our city and enjoy the culture that is inherent here. Unlike me, who wanted explore and never really wanted to live in a city, these two are city girls. They are Western Canadians to the core, yet reflect values that are not common in all Western Canadians. I think that there general comfort with live here has led me to think that they would not necessarily move away. Unlike me, who moved city or town every three years as I was growing up, my daughters have roots here: friends they have known since early childhood, cousins that they have always known, familiarity with the locale and environment that seems a part of the organism of their beings. I guess that I thought that would keep them here.

At the same time, I have encouraged them to explore. I thought they should leave the city for post secondary education – thank goodness and RSP’s that they didn’t choose to do that. They both have done some traveling, but not to the extent I would thought they might have done. However, they are now thinking of doing that. My older daughter is working in Ottawa! A city I have visited only once in my life.

When I was 21, I decided to move 3000 miles west and cross the border and live in Canada. Now, my daughter of 25 has moved most of the way back and could really visit the rest of my birth family for the weekend – a luxury I haven’t had for a very long time.

My younger daughter finishes university this spring and has decided that she wants to work a few years in the travel industry – hopefully as an air host for a local airline. She wants to be able to see the world before pursuing further studies. This is a great time in her life to do this.

However, she won’t be around whenever I want either. I feel like I should go in the corner and pout.

At the same time, I want to celebrate their independence!

I want to shout to the world about how proud I am of both of them.
I want to do a happy dance with their mother and my partner for achieving a goal set so many years ago.
They are both their own people. (Whatever that means)

I have always thought that this meant that they would be extremely confident. However, I saw how fragile that confidence was when it took so many months for my older daughter to find the job she wanted this past fall. Perhaps the confidence that did not falter was that feeling that she should not just take ANY job, but to pursue something that was going to nurture or stretch her. I am sure that the diminishing savings and the growing boredom challenged that confidence to the core, but she held out! I am so proud of that!

So here I am – a conflict of emotion. Not that it really takes much to see which state seems to have won over the other. The pouting doesn’t last long. How could it? There is so much more of which to be proud. So much more to celebrate.

I look forward to next week. This is an opportunity to share this pride with others. I invite you to share with me.

2005-11-20T01:48:00.000-08:00

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!

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I had a wonderful celebration of feeling better last evening by going out on a “hot date” with one of the most beautiful young women in Western Canada. (I say “one of” only to allow the other male readers of this blog to imagine that they, too, go out with attractive women, however, I only do so with the confidence that I was escorting the loveliest young woman in Western Canada!)(This is not mere testosterone speaking. I have thirty years experience as a Western Canadian. I know!) http://www.mugglenet.com/gallery/data/media/48/poster_hermionevictor.jpg

Anyway, the date had been arranged earlier in the week and I was most fearful that I would have to cancel because of my flirting affair with “Flu.” However, the trollop finally left me mercifully during the day on Friday and I celebrated with a walk in the fresh air with Mocha & Latté. The Rev is most correct in his description of “Flu” as I barely had the energy left to follow through with my commitment. However, given that this was such a special young woman, I truly girded my loins and prepared for an exciting evening on the town! http://www.mugglenet.com/gallery/data/media/48/poster_harrymadeye.jpg

I have never been to an opening night prior to last evening. Amazing! I am a true Harry Potter fan, but remember, dear readers, that I am past that half century mark where such occasions as opening nights seem less imperative than they did when I was in my twenties. Baited by the beauty, brilliance and loquacious nature of my companion, I energized myself to fully participate in the festivities. I could have worn my robes….never entered my consciousness. I even wondered about the frequent sightings of the same coloured scarves – I even found them strangely familiar – they were the Gryffindor colours! There were people of all ages (though none quite as advanced as my own) in varying states of costume in line from 5:15 (when I arrived to pick up the pre-purchased tickets) for the 7:00 PM show. http://www.mugglenet.com/gallery/data/media/48/poster_cedriccho.jpg

The mood was truly festive. The personnel at the movie theatre were extremely accommodating and made frequent announcements to ensure that we realized that they would seat us in the order of our arrival and that we need not worry. We were also encouraged to make sure that there were no empty seats so that no one had to be separated from those with whom they came to view the movie. It was a new experience for me. http://www.mugglenet.com/gallery/data/media/48/viktorposter.jpg

Now of all the Harry Potter movies, this really was the best. I disagree entirely with the movie critic in the local paper that the movies get increasingly lamer. Well, I can’t say that I ENTIRELY disagree with him. Harry is increasingly looking like a KD Lang impostor. As well, I would have to agree that one would not enjoy the movie much if one had not read the book. However, that is part of what made the experience so good!

The story came to life on the screen. Additional aspects like that of the Noel Ball, and the boat upon which Viktor Krum arrived, were fun, though unnecessary. The effects were amazing and Ralph Fiennes was dastardly perfect!

Anyway, a great movie, a wonderful evening! The only thing that would have made it better was if my daughter hadn’t had to work so early the next day, we would have gone out for dinner afterwards. Even so, a fun night! What a way to celebrate getting better!

2005-11-17T17:54:00.000-08:00

ComingUpToRetirement?

So I now have the flu.

Perhaps I should reword that:

So I have had the flu for the last 8 days and I am really sick and tired of being sick, tired, achey, grumpy, sleepy, lethargic, etc. I truly thought that going to the doctor would be all that it took to get rid of the darned stuff. After all, I went right home, to bed, drank lots of fluids, and got rest. So why am I not better?

"Sometimes we just have to ride these things out."

where does the "we" come in? Surely not at the Dr's office. Kevin has to ride it out with me.

All the people at school have to ride it out with me because they have to pick up the slack (like "slack" is any kind of appropriate word!) while I am away.

"Call me Monday, if you're still not feeling well."

MONDAY! I'll need a medical certificate by then. I'll call, alright.

So how much fruit juice is possible without giving oneself the runs? (Another possibility of the flu, though I luckily do not yet have those!)
How many hours of sleep can one get before it becomes a habit?

And, sorry Martha, but one more of your shows and I will start with the gastro-intestinal upset (another symptom I have, so far, avoided).

There are too many things that need doing around the house and I have no energy to do them. I watch the laundry pile up, the dust gather, the dogs laze, and I just watch them. I even cancelled the haircut tonight because I have no energy to go. Bev would have cut m hair in spite of the flu! They are too nice there!

Well, I get to rant and rave in public - even though I am fairly certain that my readership is limited to two others and myself. I still love you both!

Well, enough. All this typing has exhausted me!

100 things about me

2005-11-11T02:20:00.000-08:00

100 things about me that you probably don’t know…….

I once sang professionally at the Hotel Negresco, on the “strip” in Nice, France.

This isn’t nearly as easy as I thought it would be.

As a strategy for keeping my brother and me in bed when we were little, my dad told us that the “Man in the Moon” would get us if we got out of bed.

I didn’t realize that the man in the moon was fiction until I was about 10 years old.

I once got a sliver through my knee that was about 10 inches long.

I thought I was pretty stupid up to the age of about 35 – when I got my master’s degree. Even then, I was pretty sure that I had somehow pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes.

I didn’t realize that I was ADHD until well into my 40’s – even after being diagnosed and taking medication for a couple of years.

Being ADHD helps me tremendously in doing my work with children.

Being ADHD is the greatest gift! – Right after Kristen, Heather, Kevin, & Sara.

I love to sing as much as I love to ski.

I am not a confident person.

After living for 52.5 years, earning a B. A., an Med, and a PhD, I am finally beginning to believe that I am not stupid.

After living for 52.5 years, earning a B. A., an Med, and a PhD, I am finally beginning to build self-confidence.

I am worried that I really don’t know how to change things in my life to restore more vigorous health.

I can not do my job without trying my very best – even though “trying to do my very best” might kill me.

I love my daughters more than they realize.

When Heather was born, her mother and I did not let them put silver nitrate in her eyes – something else (I can’t remember what) and because of that, she could see. She and I stared at each other for about an hour, until she fell asleep. That was when she established power over me.

Heather has no idea, I think, of the power she has over me.

Kristen has done and said things that have hurt me more than anyone besides Kevin.

The people I love the most intensely have the power to hurt me and they do so mostly without realizing it.

I try not to let the ones who I love know when they have done or said something that has hurt.

For some reason, I can tell Heather that she has done or said something that has hurt. It has only been a short time since I have been able to do this.

My mother is beginning to realize that she has Alzheimer’s.

I love the work I do, but feel that I need to quit my job.

I still feel guilty about the evening when Kristen – at age 1.5 – fell and caught her tooth on the edge of the rocking chair and it came out.

I was sitting in the chair at the time and I figure I should have seen it coming and should have prevented it.

Coming out was probably the most difficult and scary thing I have accomplished in my life.

I still feel guilty about the pain I caused Sara when I came out.

When I met Kevin for the first time, I thought he was sort of cute, but that he wouldn’t like me.

At the end of that first evening, when I met Kevin, I was already intrigued and wanted to see him again.

I passionately believe that children are our most valuable resource.

I love to watch men who dance well.

I still have ideas that I haven’t tried and am feeling an urgent need to do so before I retire.

I really need to go away somewhere and refresh and recreate.

“Taking a Strip off” another person is a concept I do not understand.

I also can not understand how anyone could EVER really need that?

I do not understand why people make decisions before gathering ANY information about the issues surrounding the decision.

I do not understand how a parent can be too busy to answer a crisis need of their child.

I sometimes try too hard to meet the needs of children – often trying harder that the parents of the child.

I have little-to-no compassion for people who abuse children.

I HATE it when my nose runs.

I sometimes take too many medications to get my nose to stop running.

I try to stay away from school when I’m sick so that I won’t ruin what I have worked so hard to create by making some stupid mistake because I am not feeling well.

I over identify with the children who find school difficult.

When they hurt, so do I – sometimes more than they do.

I always want to be sure we have tried everything in our power to help before I will refer a child on to the next step in the system.

Not only don’t I have all the answers, oftentimes, I feel like I don’t have many or any.

I miss seeing friends who have retired and moved away.

I miss seeing my daughter every day, or being ABLE to see her.

I think I am more Canadian than American these days.

I still love my country of birth, but I truly believe that they are so self-destructive that it is no wonder so many countries detest the politics of the nation.

Canadian political scandals seem so tame next to the ones in the states.

I think I am becoming immune to political outrage.

Local things bother me more.

Racial prejudice is something I can not understand.

I can not understand how anyone can adequately dehumanize a child to the point that they could be tortured or killed.

I would like to solve the problem of homelessness in North America. It seems so pointless and avoidable.

I believe that we have the capacity to eradicate AIDS from the world.

I wonder why we do not have the will to do so.

I am getting tired of cooking for the homeless – I’ve been doing it monthly for five years – and wish that our provincial government would step up to the challenge of solving the issue!

I hate lying awake in bed at night trying to go to sleep.

I love going out to the mountains.

If I could, I would live where I could get to the mountains as easily as getting to the sea and then would have two of my favourite places near enough to be there whenever I wanted.

I would love to write children’s books.

I love reading children’s books.

This is much more difficult than I thought it would be.

I work with some of the best teachers I have ever known.

I still get frustrated with them and want them to be better.

There is a place inside me where I want to be cruel to someone.

I sometimes think very unpleasant thoughts.

If it weren’t so destructive, I would love to gossip.

I don’t understand why people want others to support them in being less than they are.

Sometimes, I want to be taken care of as well as I take care of others.

I need a massage.

I am NOT a reckless spender.

I am not a good record keeper.

I hate the accountability measures being imposed on public educators, not because I don’t think I should be accountable, but because they take so much time away from the work that really needs doing.

Sometimes, I wish I would be fired.

I tried to kill myself once.

I am really glad that I didn’t succeed.

I play too much spider solitaire when I can’t sleep.

I hate power struggles.

I wish I could be closer to my parents.

I sometimes think that I am missing some of the most interesting parts of life because I am too busy at work.

I sometimes realize that some of the most interesting parts of life happen at work with the children with whom I work.

I enjoy reading.

I believe that we are truly spiritual beings.

I believe that our spiritual lives came before our human ones.

I believe that my human life is finite, but my spiritual one goes on forever.

I believe that when my human life is over, I will join a much more pleasant version of a spiritual collective than represented by the Borg.

I believe that when Jesus lived on earth, he understood this but knew that most people wouldn’t be able to grasp the sense of an infinite ambiguity.

I wonder about other religions and would like to know more.

I am coming to believe that the whole spiritual collective is God, not separate from God.

I wonder why we agree to forget our spiritual lives in order to have a human experience.

When I totally trust in God, I sleep better.

I wonder why I don’t always turn that trust and worry over to God – especially when I believe that God is infinite.

I wonder why some see the glass as half empty.

I find life a whole lot more enjoyable and worry free when I see the glass as at least half full.

I wonder if the rainbow connection is working with children.

I really wanted this list to be profoundly self actualizing, but found it really wasn’t easy to do and that it took several days to complete.

2005-10-30T13:30:00.000-08:00

Parental Pride...

I do not often get a chance to see the results of what is never more than one's best shot at parenting with no particular training for that important role. As a father, I can say that I always did my best given the circumstances, the knowledge I had and the overall mental health and well-being at the time. All the same, I know that I made huge mistakes, incredibly stupid blunders, and likely caused pain along the way.

Given that I still adhere to the idea that I did the best I could within each context, I am hugely proud whenever I get a chance to see what happened now that my children are adults. I had no idea that blogging would have that result.

This is not to say that I think my "girls" are infallible or that they, too, haven't made similarly outlandish blunders. I am content not knowing the details. What is special is to read about an incident, worry about how it might have turned out, and see that the parental messages, albeit maternal in the reference, made a difference and stuck.

Last evening, my spouse, my former spouse and I were looking through photos in an effort to select some great memories to share through a "toast to the bride" at my elder daughter's wedding coming up soon (see Inspired by Dooce ). "Inspired..." has recently moved to the East and is no longer close enough to have spontaneous meals with. However, my younger daughter (see Heather's Randomness ) was able to come as she is still in town. We had to rush through some of the evening's festivities in order to ensure that she could get to a certain establishment by 9:30, so some of the relaxed conversation was not quite as relaxed. However, I now try my best to enjoy every moment together as I now appreciate more deeply what a gift it is to share time with my daughters. Who cares if it is rushed?

Unfortunately, I have the cold that is being passed all over school by children, teachers, parents, and any visitor that seems to have a germ to share. Therefore I have less patience and my ADHD makes it difficult to be part of many different conversations at once when I am also trying to put the meal together. This is totally unnecessary information, but I thought I'd set the scene, context, whatever.

So Heather helped pick out some pictures, was involved in many phone conversations with friends as they prepared for this Halloween outing to one of the single's bars in town, and shared the latest adventures and frustrations. It was during dinner that she told me about her blogging and that of her sister. Off she went to enjoy herself and her mother, my hubby and I continued to look through pictures and scanned our little hearts away.

This morning I get to read about her outing and am filled with a sense of pride. What a strong, confident and well-balance woman she has become. It all reminds me of how wonderful they are and how quickly their childhood traveled along.

As a child, I always found the years go by with a dreadful slowness that made me wonder if I would ever live to be an adult. Did my children experience the same sense of slowness? How is it that I find that their childhood years have sped along? I still remember the hours of labour and their individual births as if it were yesterday, rather than the 25 and 21 years that have gone by since.

All the same, I wouldn't trade them away and do them all over. What kind of different mistakes would I make? Though I would love to eradicate any pain I caused them, I do not want to eliminate any of the lessons they might have learned as a result of that pain. It seems that whatever they learned has served them well to this point. How can I be sure that I could do it better a second time around? They are so wonderfully imperfect just the way they are. I enjoy spending time with them. What a wonderful result!

2005-10-29T21:19:00.000-07:00

I'm confident that I am not the first person to share with the world that "everything I learned about digital technology, I learned from kids," however, I am starting my first blog after discovering that my two daughters have been blogging for over a year.

I discovered their blogs, read LOTS of their ramblings and have decided that ADHD truly does run in families. I never thought of my older daugher as ADHD, however, she has the most interesting and random blogs I have ever read. - Not saying much. I don't read many.

However, I am impressed with their writing. They are fairly amazing individuals anyway, so that should not surprise me.

So back to learning from kids...

I am a principal in an elementary school inWestern Canada. We are a fairly large municipality and my school is considered as "inner city" though as a former American, I have a tough time seeing it in the same light as I am accustomed to seeing American inner city schools. However, we do share many of the demands that inner city schools face in their day-to-day lives.

One of the things that amaze me when I look back on a career in teaching that began in 1974 is how hesitant my colleagues are to allow the children to teach them. I truly belive that I learned very early on that the kids I teach are contstantly trying to teach me the things I need to learn. Although I am not convinced that they are always conscious of their efforts, I am completely sure that the lessons are there every day and that all I have to do is be open to them. When I am open to the children and what they present to me, I have an almost infinite potential for becoming human, for learning about life that is real, about learning about a world I could never see if I remain closed to the children with whom I work.

I don't want to seem that I totally neglect the children with whom I lived and from whom I learned at home, however, I think I will approach that subject another day and stick to something a little safer for my first blog.

I recently finished a doctoral degree in Curriculum, Teaching, & Learning. So I can lay claim to the "Dr." in my title. What amuses me is the image others have of what that "Dr." means. As far as I see it, it means that I truly come much closer to understanding how children learn and how teachers teach than I did before beginning doctoral studies. However, because I studied how learning technologies (in particular - computers) assist children ihn the development of their literacy skills, my colleagues assume that I know everything about computers, digital technologies, and using the WWW as a resource.

What I know about all those things, I first began learning from my two daughters. I broadened those landscapes when I began working with students and using computers to assist them in their learning. When I began my research for my doctoral thesis/dissertation, I truly focussed on the children and what they did when given free reign to explore the digital resources available to them. They taught me how to use graphic organizers, how to present information via powerpoint or other presentation software, how to use digital photography to create easily accessible communications, and a host of other uses I would never have thought of if left to myself.

So why would anyone - especially someone my age (I'm into the fifties!) not open up to a generation of people who have no fear about digital technologies? Digital technologies are second nature to these kids. They come to me to ask me how to do something, and I invariably lean three or four things from them while I show them what they came for. Amazing.

So....Now I want to learn to blog! I think this is a medium that is going to be fun for me. Whether anyone actually reads this or any other ramblings will be fascinating. I think that the potential that someone would is so enticing! There is an almost erotic nature to that idea. As I expose my thinking to the world, who will read it? Who will find it attractive? Who will find it worth their response?

We shall see.

In the meantime, I think I might use this opportunity to share what I have learned throughout the years without having to be constrained by the technical demands of academic writing and the publishing world. You will not likely find any footnotes or references here unless you ask for them.

Just my "pearls" of whatever wisdom might have been gained over the last fifty-two years of living, learning, loving and laughing.

Soon!